Do you have friends? Do you have good friends? Have you ever been disappointed by them or felt used? If the answer is yes to all these questions then maybe you’re a photographer.

Photographers have more friends than any people in the world. Just friends, good friends, old friends and fans.

I thought of writing this article a few years ago but then thought “all right let it go”. Since then I’ve been asked  by friends many times to shoot some event or photo session with a big discount and I am not happy when they do that. Now I don’t have so many cases like that because I have doubled my prices – my average wedding photo collection is around £3,333 or $5,500, and I’m very busy with my dear clients.  I meet colleagues who have the same complaint all the time. That’s why I’m writing this now and I would like for as many people as possible to read it and think about what real friendship is. If you like my curly thoughts just tweet  or Facebook them.

What is a friendship? It is “give and take” based on mutual respect.

We photographers are big givers, we give our last money, sometimes God forgive us even the family budget , we’re ready to sacrifice our free time, vacations, Friday pub nights with friends and colleagues, a new car, etc. in order to buy that new lens which will make you my friend look amazing. My father used to say “you have lots of wheels in your bag that can’t give you a ride”.

My ex wife used to call them toys. It was very sad for me because I love what I do and I am very happy when my clients are so excited and want to hug me and kiss me after seeing their photos (I was working in Moscow that time shooting more than 2 000 glamour, fashion, boudoir photo sessions). If I didn’t  do that, the client’s reaction would be hmmmmmm good, thanks …  But NO I don’t want their hmmmmm! I want their WOW. People don’t have photo sessions every day or every year,  most of the people I’ve shot is for first time in their life.

Now I shoot with photo gear worth more than $20,000 (excluding studio equipment) and I plan in near future to double my investment. I’ve sacrificed a lot. I really mean it, In order to get respect and exposure among the tough competition in Moscow (and later on in London) I had to work hard and save hard. I was shooting every single day for months, I mean 3-7 photo sessions a day. I was going on overnight location shots at least 2-3 nights a week, sacrificing my weekends. When my wife left me she said, don’t worry you’re not alone, you have your love. I said what the hell are you talking about … I’ve never cheating on you … She said, your love – the photography. I was complaining to my friend and one of the best erotic photographers I’ve ever meat – Kubeto about everything. He told me about his difficulties and said “if you want some easy job, don’t become a photographer. If you wanna be a professional photographer, be ready to make sacrifices.”

Why do I mention all this internal stuff? Because you won’t do it and because this is about love and devotion, and all photographers will be very offended if people take advantage of them. I visited the studio of Kubeto few years ago and a businessman came with bottles of wine. The order was very very good. He said “Nacho, click some shots of the products”. He made a finger click and said “I did it, now go away … I don’t click here, I do photography”. The man said “why do you insult me?” Kubeto answered “you started first”. Like the Jewish joke: 2 Jewish friends occasionally meet in front of a bank in NY. “Heeeeeey Moshe I haven’t seen you from ages … how is the business?” good … “how’s your wife?” good … “how’re the kids?” good … “how are your parents?” good … “would you gimme some money in credit?” … Abraham, would you scratch my back first? “Why your back?” Cause you started from there It’s sad when people and especially friends think of photographers as clickers or hobbyists.

That happened to me last month and it pissed me off. I reject clients every week because they either don’t meet my policy (I shoot only weddings with people who love each other) or they’re price shoppers, but this is OK for me. This is a part of the business. What happened? A friend of mine living in NY (in Astoria not in the Bronx if you know the difference) is calling me and started “scratching my back” “… Pete, haven’t seen you from ages bla bla … you’re such a great photographer, you’re the best, number one, so talented …” At the same time my sister was there and the conversation was on loud speaker. She has very good intuition and with gestures she told me “she’s fake, cut and don’t waste your time”.

I know that if somebody overacts with you and shows a big interest it’s a matter either of sex or money. It wasn’t the first cause she was pregnant so, nothing left than the money. I was patient enough to continue the conversation, I sometimes hate myself for my patience, “So, Pete … I want you to be my wedding photographer bla bla … Actually she started “come to my wedding to have fun but bring your camera” hahah … this is not my laughter this is the one of the many photographers who read that right now cause they have heard that many many times and hate it as much as I do. I had to say I come either to enjoy without camera or to work with my team … then she continued putting a label on me - “our budget for photographer is $500″. I started laughing. The wedding had to be on the Black Sea in Bulgaria – a destination wedding in a beautiful sunny location. I said, “dear, my Bulgarian clients, living in small towns in countries like Bulgaria save for months or years to book me because they respect and appreciate what I do for much much more than $500. They don’t live in the hearth of Manhattan and their currency is very weak and pay-checks are much lower.”

It’s so ugly when you see that kind of hypocrisy from so called friends … “you’re so good, the best, etc. and you cost $500″

Yes – she said… but I have to travel, to book hotels, to give birth in an expensive hospital …

What the h?  – I was speaking to myself – And why I have to be the friend? Why do people think that photographers just enjoy the work and don’t have mortgages, expenses, debts, needs, etc.?

What would happen if your car brakes down on the road to JFK? The mechanics will take it and they’ll quote $10 for every garage hour + their labour + parts, etc. and the price may go way up to $500. So, my dear, would you start bullshitting with the mechanic how much expenses you have and how much you need a cheap but quality service? This was a rhetoric question. Of course you’ll pay! Why do you bargain with your friend then? Because people just don’t treat photographers as friends or they’re just no friends to them.

If she was a friend of mine she would ask me, Pete how do you live? Maybe you have difficulties with finding clients, marketing, debts, gear updates, no free time, nights and days in retouching and album design, etc. Do you mind if I pay you a little bit more, cause you’re my friend,  I love you, I want to contribute to your creativity, etc.?

Dear friends, is there any one of you who’ve ever ever ever ever had such a case of friendship? God bless that person!

Sad thing, right? No! Life is beautiful and let me share something with you. Something positive and really cool. I was so amazed when I heard it so, I got few tears in my eyes and the feeling that I’m going the right way.

A client had gone to book a wedding photographer … at same time a friend of his had called him and told him about me. I got a call … “bring some albums and your notebook and jump in the car” … You know the following questions … who, why, where, what … ? So, I met him in 10min. and he said  “let me text your website to my fiancé so she can go to the same page” … in a minute she replied “I already know him, everybody in North London knows him, and I say YES …” He booked me! But this is not what I wanted to share with you. I wanted to say that I met this guy from nowhere, he wasn’t my friend and never knew me. A month later he called me and said that he’d found a client for me, a football player getting married which is awesome … I was in Europe shooting a very fancy high-end wedding … I asked him “my friend do you want something to bring you from Europe?” People love gifts and I travel all around a lot and my friends ask me all the time to bring them this and that. That guy I know from 2 meetings and do you know what he answered? “My friend, the only thing I need is your health.” That was so so so awesome! At the same time my colleague and friend a USA photographer Val called me and I told him about it and he kept silence for long … Speechless!

So you saw the 2 groups : friends sometimes take advantage of you and people who believe in you, trust you, invest in you, bringing clients and joy, givers not opportunist and takers only … How do you think I gonna work with those people? With my whole heart, body and soul! As if he is the last client I’m gonna shoot in my life.

My friends, ladies and gentlemen, next time when you ask a friend photographer for big discounts remember what’s written in the Bible, “Treat others the way you want to be treated” Amen!

Love from me,

Pete

Update: few months after the article publishing … if you want to see photos from that wedding search the blog or my Facebook for Gulsen & Ugur Wedding.

Claire & Chris – a Big fat Greek wedding accompanied with Orthodox Christening of the sweet Isabella. I’ll write more about that wedding and the lovely people I met and shot there a little bit later. My blog suffers this season … too much work which is good. For now enjoy the video and follow me in Facebook for fresher updates.

The answer? soon …

Dessy & Toshi – Wedding & Trash the Dress